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A buddy list, a feature of many instant messaging (IM) programs, may also be referred to as contact lists or friend lists. A buddy list shows the screen names of friends, family, and co-workers whom you have added as contacts. After a contact has been added to your buddy list, you can see if that individual is currently online or offline. In most cases, you can also see how long a contact has been online and if they are away from the computer (idle). One important thing to remember about buddy lists is the account owner is the only individual who can add or delete contacts from his or her buddy list. Unless a child or teen’s account has been compromised, he or she has added each and every contact listed. As a safety precaution, parents and guardians should regularly review buddy lists with their children and teens. Explain to children the important of practicing safe instant messaging and only chatting with people they know and trust in real life. |
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Overview Instant Messaging |
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Instant messaging (IM) allows users to have conversations that happen in real time. Most IM services offer a feature showing the user’s contacts and whether they are currently online and available to chat. This is known as a buddy list. Most systems also allow the user to set an online status or “away message” so that friends are notified when the user is available, busy, or away from the computer. In addition to being used to communicate with friends, instant messaging has become a common method used to bully, harass, and engage a youth in a sexually explicit conversation. Sometimes IM conversations can progress so rapidly that an apparently innocent conversation turns inappropriate without much warning. For these reasons, it is important for you to discuss with your children how to use IM safely. One of the most important things to remember is that youth should only communicate with individuals they know and trust in real life. Teach your children how to block individuals who are harassing or distressing them; make them feel confident enough to notify you of the incident without fear of getting in trouble. These instant messages are also apart of the Social Networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, etc... The most popular standalone IM is AIM but there are many others out there Yahoo, Google, MSN, etc... Under the Software Based Parental Controls section you can find tools to monitor or block IM. |
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Are there signs that my child is talking to a predator? |
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Internet predators seek to entice your child into an in-person meeting through a process of "grooming." An individual, usually an adult, attempts to establish a relationship with a child or teen to gain the child’s trust. The ultimate goal of the “groomer” is to arrange an in-person meeting to engage in sexual relations with the child or teen. You should know It may involve deception. Adults trying to groom children may initially lie about their age. They may never reveal their real age to the child, even after forming an established relationship. The groomer may claim to have the same interests as the child. Often, the groomer will know popular music artists, clothing trends, sports team information, or another activity or hobby the child may be interested in. Frequently, a groomer will pretend to relate to the child. This makes children believe that while no one else can understand them or their situation, the groomer does. After the child’s trust develops, the groomer may use sexually explicit conversations to test boundaries
Your child or a child you know may be the victim of online grooming if he/she - Obsesses about being online and becomes angry when he or she can't get on the computer
- Minimizes the screen or turns off the computer when adults are nearby
- Receives a gift from someone, and will not tell who it is from
- Has a lot of incoming or outgoing phone calls to numbers that are not recognized by a parent or guardian.
- Becomes withdrawn from family and friends
Watch for inappropriate images or websites on the computer, gifts in the mail such as webcams or cell phones, and unknown numbers on your phone bill. If you ever feel that your child is in immediate danger, contact your local law enforcement. If you suspect a child is being groomed by someone online, contact the CyberTipline at 1-800-843-5678 or www.CyberTipline.com. Here are some safety measures you can take - Keep the computer in a common area and notice what sites he or she visits
- Consider purchasing and installing child monitoring software
- Consider limiting your child’s access to certain websites, chatrooms, or instant messaging programs
- Educate your child about the potential risks of online predators
- If you do permit your children to use social networking, gaming, or chat sites, talk to them about specific risks and review his or her profile regularly. Help children to remove information that could put them at risk. Review their buddy list on instant messaging programs and their friends lists on social networking sites to ensure they are only communicating with people they know and trust in real life
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What is a chatroom? What are the risks? A chatroom is a virtual “room” on the Internet where multiple people can communicate in real time. Users type messages and what they say appears on the screen alongside comments from others. Many chatrooms are topic specific and focus conversations around a shared interest. You should know: Chatrooms can be found in many locations online. They can be associated with websites or online communities. Most of the large Internet service providers (ISP) provide topic-specific chatrooms. Gaming sites often have chatrooms where you can type in messages to players and see their responses. Even sites set up for children may have chatrooms. Some of these rooms have a moderator to ensure users comply with guidelines (such as not giving out personal information or not having sexually explicit conversations). It is common for chatrooms to have group dialogue, but individuals also enter chatrooms to find someone to speak with outside of the room. A user will often indicate who they are and what they are seeking. For example, if you are in a parenting chat room, you may see: “32/F/CA mother of 2 teens looking for info on Internet safety.” This means that the user is a 32-year-old female in California. All chatrooms pose a potential risk to children. Chatrooms may expose children to individuals who wish to do them harm. Someone seeking access to children can use a chatroom to find potential victims and attempt to build a relationship with them. The longer a child chats with someone, the more comfortable the child may feel about that person's honesty or integrity. Chatrooms can also expose children to graphic material and topics. Even in a chatroom not designated for this type of conversation, another user could post an explicit website address or questionable content. Child-specific chatrooms may pose a potential threat to children. Though some sites require all members to be under 18 years old, it is easy for someone looking to harm to a child to create an online profile so that he or she appears to be younger. Children often feel they can easily trust someone who is the same age. If you believe your child is being enticed online, contact the CyberTipline at 1.800.843.5678 or www.cybertipline.com. What you can do: - Set ground rules for your children's online behavior and supervise their chat activities
- Consider using software tools to help monitor what children are doing and saying on the computer. Often these programs will record chat conversations. You can also contact your ISP to find out if there are parental controls to eliminate access to chatrooms
- Education and communication are the best way to keep your children safer online. Chatrooms can be a way to learn and interact with others but it is important for children to be aware of the risks and dangers so they may make more responsible decisions
- Your child may have access to the Internet outside the home, so talk with him or her about your expectations for online behavior. It is essential to communicate with your children and frequently discuss their online activities
- Encourage your children to trust their instincts and tell you if they experience something that makes them feel scared or uncomfortable
- Know who your children are communicating with. Review their phone lists periodically and help them to remove anyone who you don't know and trust in real life
- Teach your children about the possible dangers of adding a "friend of a friend"
- Make sure your children know to keep their personal information private. Remind them that nothing anyone types on the Internet is private, especially things posted in profiles
- Supervise all of your child’s online activities, and be especially vigilant when it comes to your child’s use of webcams
- Tell your child not to reply to unsolicited messages from individuals he or she does not know
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